2 week wait over

Yesterday was the day. 2 weeks of progesterone and wondering. I didn't
become anxious until I took my blood test. The nurse called 6 hours
later with the news, "unfortunately you are not pregnant". Some how I
was not surprised. I hadn't connected to the process. I was fascinated
by the injections and the ultrasounds of the follicles, the science of
it all, waking at 6am alternate mornings to be tested, asking tons of
questions to the doctors at each of the early morning monitoring. My
husband became quite attached to laying out the meds, mixing them in
proper proportion and injecting me daily. He was so very optomistic.
I'm not sure if I just knew somehow I wasn't pregnant this time or I
was scared to get excited. I weathered the drugs so well for the 3 1/2
weeks. No headaches, crying, mood swings. I actually lost 4 pounds
rather than bloating. I was very tired though and needed extra sleep.
And so, I'm optomistic and I reccognize that this may not have hit me
yet. I am more educated about the process now though and can ask
better questions about the next protocol and options for trying again
given my response to the meds. I was definately connected when I
miscarried, I woke up one day and realized I was pregnant. I just felt
it. Sadly, I'm not sure our little egg even met my husband's sperm
this go around so. we hope there's another little one who will be
ready the next time.

Sent from my iPhone

Infertility Catch-up

IVF didn't go so well. We began Jan 4th, 2010. An early 5:45am wake up to be at morning monitoring by 7:30a. We walked the 2 blocks to the garage, it was 17 degrees outside. This was our 1st try. I'd been going to Columbia since December 2007 checking off my list of items in order to be ready for this day. Classes, blood tests, semen analysis, mri's, ultrasounds, hsg, 2 vaginal fibroid surgeries, one most recent myomectomy (I'm not mentioning the other surgeries I had in the previous years). I'm eating organic, I've cut out soy, I drink only water and herbal teas. I've been seeing acupuncturist for years I go weekly now to one who sees her patients one on one, no shuffling from room to room. I take yoga as often as I can and exercise 2/3 times a week additionally. I've ordered all my injectables, which are in a huge box in our living room that I slide from corner to corner making sure the meds aren't too hot or too cold. Room temp is ever changing in a Brooklyn apartment.

I have done so much research my eyesight is beginning to blur. I met with a private adoption consult in Long Island for 4 hours so I'd have a back up plan in case things didn't go well. She scared me, but I needed to be informed.

We got our go ahead to start. Injections began Jan 4th. 7 vials of Gonal-f, 1 of Menapure. Hubby got mixing and needle duty which he did proudly and rather well. 4 days later, we were back for morning monitoring, blood work and ultrasound: left ovary 2 follicles 12mm & 14 mm the right had 2 that were too small to consider. 3 days later, back again 7:30am my 14 went to 16, my 12 was missing, the others still too small. The meds stayed consistent nightly but we were at one egg now even with heavy doses of meds. My one little guy grew from 16 to 18 to 24 we added Ganirelix to the mix one additional shot per night to keep my egg from releasing and we switched to IUI after talking to the doctors. Columbia doesn't do IVF with fewer than 3 eggs so Tuesday I injected myself with Novarel to stimulate ovulation. My 1st needle ever (hubby was still in the condo board meeting and I was trying to be a big girl) no biggie, I panicked and bleed a little and lost a couple of drops of meds but I did it and I didn't feel the needle at all.

My insemination was yesterday. 7am, wash semen, no blood work no ultrasound this time. The catheter cramped and was uncomfortable, I tried to relax and visualize the sperm racing to find my little egg. I pictured bright pretty colors and holding my grandma's hand I laid there about 13 minutes and went to Whole Foods for an egg sandwich and strawberries. I was cramping and hopped a cab to the acupuncturist, we'd scheduled for me to come the day before and immediately after to do work to bring good qi and blood flow to the uterus. I slept there for and hour while I had treatment then came home to rest.

So I'm in my 2 week wait. I'll take progesterone nightly for 2 weeks and go back Jan 28th for a pregnancy test. I had a massage this evening again to increase good blood flow and I'm not anxious. Thus far for me, it's the journey, not the destination that I am enjoying. My husband and I are both in awe of this process. We have been incredibly optimistic even with our one little egg. For those of you who don't know about the process, with that much medical stimulation, I should have been producing 20-35 follicles. I had 4 that went to 1.

So I am journaling here. I have a zillion thoughts on this process as I do about marriage and renovations, babies over 35, Brooklyn, NY and J'lo's latest Elle mag interview about IVF.